Dodger “the War Mongerer” has announced that he will be standing in Catford – a constituency that has been carved up and divided by the enemas of cats – most of which is now falsely called “Lewisham East”.
Dodger has a grand vision for Catford to become the capital of the UK,which he intends to achieve by massive spending cuts in the area, including an average budget reduction for local schools of just £250,000.
His other policies are not well known, as he’s a bit of a shady character, but we can be sure he is not a social cat, unlike his opponent Heidi Alexander whose voting record suggest that she cares about other humans and likes to be friendly with her neighbours.
However, it is believed that he is a strong advocate of Military Intervention against the Isle of Dogs, and using the entire national budget to building an underwater bathtub that glows in the dark and shoots fireworks when you press a button (don’t worry it’s going to be used so far away you can’t hear or see it – unless someone works out how to hack the remote control).
Vote DODGER to get Austerity and AutoCATsy in Catford NOW!
To Support Dodger as the new MP for Catford, YOU MUST GO TO VOTE on election day. Then, when you’re standing there wondering where to put your X, you must stop yourself and follow these instructions:
- cross out the words “Lewisham East” (lies),
- replace them with “Catford“, and
- write “Dodger” on the bottom of your ballot paper. “
It really is as “Simples” as meercats would say. Don’t forget to print out the picture and stick it in your window, so all your friends and neighbours know what a simpleton you are.