Timmy the Tomcat will be contesting the seat of Tonbridge and Malling for UCAT. This safe seat (let’s see about that) is currently held by another Tom, who is really just a little kitty that doesn’t have any opinions of its own, but always does what his mummy says.
Timmy is a traditional conservative, who is fed up with the Revolutionary Leninism of the Tory party whips. As a great admirer of Edmund Burke, he believes that an MP should always act in the interests of all his constituents, whether they have the right to vote or not.
He is a consistent defender of business interests and a passionate believer in stability, security and the rule of law. Strongly opposed to progressive ideologies and planning of any kind, he believes that human interference in the natural order of things can only lead to disaster.
“Humans are weak and feeble” he claims, “and they simply don’t have the brain power to realise the consequences of their actions. They are like dogs who wag their tail at the mention of “OUTies”, not realising that it’s cold outside and that they’re not going to be let IN again”.
As Timmy missed the registration deadline for parliamentary candidates, he is asking his supporters to “write him in” on their ballot paper as the UCAT cat-didate for Tonbridge and Malling .